Cash Prizes
August 20th, 2007The Bush Administration wants to move Guantanamo Bay to Kansas. Predictably, Kansans don’t want Gitmo there. That begs the question: who would want a prison for terrorists stationed in their backyard? No one, that’s who (would). Except for Alberto Gonzalez, though he should rethink that himself as he is a lawyer, so he should know that terrorists would gain many legal protections as captives in America as opposed to out of America.
We must make a decision — if the goal of Guantanamo is to have a prison with minimal legal protection for terrorists in an attempt to circumvent longstanding legal precedents, America isn’t the spot for that and the government would be better off holding them at Gitmo, outcry be damned, or moving them to some country that nobody has ever heard of. I just wonder if Sri Lanka needs a new bag of guns. Or an airport. I wonder what they need that we can give them as a nudge and a wink. What can we bribe them with? Perhaps that should be the State Department’s next assignment? “Figure out Sri Lanka!” That’s the problem with these strange, small countries, you know. Nobody even knows what a Sri Lankan looks like, so how do you bribe them? My only guess is that they’re lanky and as prone to accepting cash as anyone else, so let’s get to it, Mr. President!