Office of the Independent Blogger

When Bill Maher advised, years ago, to Be More Cynical, John Sullivan listened. The Sun-Times is running an interpretation of Bush’s speech that shows us that Republicans are No Nearer to Together on the issue than they were before. RealClear confirms by writing that “06 Prospects took a hit” with Bush’s speech last night. These are simply the politics of the speech — a dissection of its rhetoric, an analysis of its political effect. When we get to the meat, the situation gets worse.

Policy-wise, the President’s newest proposal — to move the National Guard toward the border, six thousand of them — isn’t going to work, either, as it’ll wind up overstretching the National Guard. Not only that, but it’s evidence that Bush and Rumsfeld haven’t learnt a darn thing from Iraq. If they had, they wouldn’t believe that they’ll secure the border with six thousand guardsmen.

What will they tell us next? That the guardsmen will be greeted as liberators by immigrants on the border? That six thousand are all that’s needed to secure the frontier? Is Donald Rumsfeld writing our policy on the border?

Let me tell you, the current Republican Party will be lucky to be greeted as the Republican Party by Conservatives this fall, if the Conservatives greet them at all. I’ve got a sinking feeling that Republicans are going to immigrate in mass numbers this fall, but while Liberals flee to Canada, the Republicans are going to enter truly foreign land for them: the Desert of the Non Voter.

This whole year has been a tough one for Republicans, as they don’t seem able to assimilate to the year 2006. Maybe we should deport the GOP to another era, one that they’re better suited for — the 1920s, perhaps? The Middle Ages? — instead of reliving the 1970s, as they’re so intent on doing. If Republicans found themselves in the Dark Ages, and Democrats back in the Glory Days of the New Deal, we could all be happy!

The Beatles used to say, “Money can’t buy me love.” Dick Cheney might disagree. But this year, Conservatives are going to say, “Lip Service Can’t Buy My Vote” and Democrats will find wind beneath its Wings with the collapse of the Vulcans.

Figuratively speaking, of course.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 16th, 2006 at 10:29 am and is filed under Outside Retort (Current Affairs), The Politics of Sarcasm.